scotes outside


Dear Doggy Diary,

Last night I was unceremoniously kicked out of the bedroom. My unforgiveable crime was snoring, although I think my humans overreacted a bit. I was left to sleep in the cold, empty expanse of the living room. Oh well, at least there was good TV. That Animal Planet channel really knows what they’re doing! I have to change the channel, though, when they show Big Cat Diary. There’s just nothing all that exciting about watching giant cats yawn in the Savannah. On occasion they go hunting, but then that just makes me hungry. My food bowl does not get filled until the humans wake up in the morning. The humans keep my food locked up tight behind a door. It’s like Fort Knox in there! You have no idea how bad it can be when you’re hungry between the hours of 3 AM and 6 AM while everyone is asleep. Those 3 hours can feel like millennia as the hunger pains gnaw away at my starving belly…

What were we talking about before? Oh, right, my exile from the bedroom. It’s bad enough that I was vetoed off the bed once I surpassed 25 pounds, but now I’m kicked out of the entire room! Apparently I snore and I smell like outside. Let me point out that I have no control over the shape of my nose or what noises come out of it when I am unconscious. Let me also point out that my humans are the ones who let me run outside and roll in the dirt in the first place. They even commend me for these actions and often give me treats for them. Yet this is what they attribute my stinky odor to… again, not my fault.

I planned on boycotting this morning and ignoring my humans, but when they came down the stairs I was so happy to see them I forgot what I was mad about. By the time I got a hold of myself it was too late. You know how humans are. You have to be up front with them otherwise they forget what they did to be in trouble for. Then they just go on about how you’re acting like a brat and they spoil you too much. Yep, getting kicked out of the bedroom for snoring is really living the high life let me tell you.

I was still ready to give them a piece of my mind when they pulled a fast one on me. I smelled them before the package was even opened. TREATS! Not just any treats, either. They went above and beyond this time and gave me not one, not two, but three meaty, delicious and savory T-Bonz treats. Oh, they were so good. As I sat there chomping happily on my snacks they took turns patting my head and saying they were sorry. I was so wrapped up in my treats I forgot I was even upset with them. If my humans need to feel sorry for something in order for me to get triple treats, they can be sorry any day of the week.